belief in myself

During the squirellier times in life, we need something to hold onto, or rather, something to hold onto us. Things happen. There isn't much that is in our control in this grand world. However, what we do with the circumstances presented to us is truly what it's all about.

In my own hard times these days, I've had the opportunity to look deep within, in places I have never fully explored before. And what I've found is incredible. 

There is a place within that holds all my perfection and wonder and miraculousness, and no matter what occurs to me on the outside, that place continues to exist. I am so fortunate to know that place and be present to all that I have the possibility of being. A place of comfort and refuge. A place of strength and encouragement. A place of knowing.

It's this belief in myself and my ability to create the life I want that is holding me up during the hard times. It's a belief that I can live as the creator of my life, not the victim of my circumstances. And it's the actions I then take to make that so.

A couple weeks ago, I was in the grocery store and saw a mug that I would have loved to have. I passed it by, though, knowing we have no income these days and that I didn't "need" a mug. About a week later, I passed by the mug again and I said to myself, "I  believe in you. That $4.76 for that mug is completely worth it because you will soon be making money. I know you can do that and you are worth having someone you love." So I bought it. The last one on the shelf. And every time I hold that mug and drink tea from it, I believe in myself.

 Because I believed in myself, I took portraits of a family as a paid photographer for the first time! I'm working on my own website: www.jwink25.wix.com/portfolio. And I got a job teaching at Gymboree Play and Music.

I'm taking the first steps of gaining control over parts of my life again. And it feels good.