celebration

On my 6th birthday, I remember my mom had to work. But she called me and I remember her asking, "So, how does it feel to be six?" I have no recollection of what I said after that or anything else she said, but I do remember that one moment in that day.

Yesterday we celebrated Jacob's 6th birthday - 6! This amazing little boy who is so self-aware and caring and curious and funny and happy and loving and smart is growing into himself so nicely. 

It's so fascinating to see how certain things slowly develop: self-concsiousness, humour, math and reading skills, self-confidence, his own desires and thoughts, the things he says to himself. I am so happy with how much he still shares with me. From what I can see and hear, I think he's very happy with himself, comfortable and proud of who he is. He hasn't turned the corner yet into questioning himself or doubting himself. I am grateful for that. 

So, who is he these days? Here's a little insight....

He enjoys it when I sew and then gets inspired himself. Recently, he asked to make some napkins with me. He was so excited to look through my fabric bin and pick things out. Then he matched up the fabrics himself, picked out the thread colours and the stitch (his favourite part). He wanted to watch me sew them all and kept telling me, "You're the best mom ever!"  He also sorted my pin cushion because.... well, he's that kind of boy. 

:: He tells me, I'm so glad you were born. You were just born so good."
:: He says he's glad I had him. 
:: He shares pieces of his food or candy with me and Fraser, even if it's the last piece of something he really likes.
:: He told me he likes how I colour because I colour so precisely.
:: He really likes math in school and will come home and do some math just because he likes it.
:: He's artistic! He likes craft projects and art class. Some of his art was chosen to be put on display at our local library branch.

birthday invitation of his own design

:: He's a "snow boy". 
:: He loves Legos and sees ball tracks everywhere (still) and asks all sorts of questions and wants us to see all he does. 
:: He loves being read to and is learning to read himself!
:: For his birthday he wanted to invite three people and all he wanted to do was hang out. Which they all did so beautifully, making Perler bead projects together and just enjoying each other's company. He also asked for a flourless chocolate cake for his birthday - that's my boy!

I could go on, but you all get the idea.... he's a good one, this soul. So happy and proud and grateful to be able to celebrate all that he is these days.

our newest babe... and his name

Last week, Tuesday night, I woke up at 11:30 after feeling a contraction. Nothing especially painful but it just felt... different. I knew this was the beginning. We called our doulas (mine and Jacob's) and prepared to go to the hospital. We debated waking Jacob up, seeing how it was 1 am at this point. I knew he'd be pissed, though, if I had the baby without him being there. So, I kissed him and he woke up, asking "Is it morning?" I said, "No, we're going to the hospital to have the baby." And he adamantly replied, "I want to come too." And off we went.

Labour was harder for me this time around than with Jacob. It was surprisingly more painful, which I was not expecting. Jacob's birth, although hard, felt tolerable throughout. These contractions were way more intense. And even though I was progressing, the baby wasn't dropping. Even though I planned on having another natural birth, I asked for an epidural this time. I admit, I feel a bit like a wuss for doing that. Not that I regret it, but I felt like, having been through one natural birth, I could do it again. I'm proud to have had Jacob without pain meds. However, this labour felt brutal. The epidural was so relieving. Then came the time when the doctor said, 'Okay, you're ten centimeters and the baby has dropped. You can start pushing." But I didn't really feel much; a very strange idea to push when there's no feeling in your bottom. For this reason, I would try to have another natural childbirth. However, after awhile, the epidural wore off and I could feel contractions, urges to push and, eventually, the crowning of the baby. So, all in all, I got to experience the birth while skipping over a bit of pain in the middle. And I was a bit surprised when the doctor announced that the baby was a boy! This one felt more like a girl to me.

 Jacob was a trooper the whole night and his doula was invaluable. He took a short nap at one point when I had my epidural, but when it came closer to the baby being born, we woke him up. He wanted to watch the baby be born, which he did. Later, he said it grossed him out and he hid under a blanket. But he also said that he would watch another sibling be born if we had more kids. 

I have been extremely impressed with how well Jacob has done this first week. He's been a proud, interested, loving big brother. Very patient and very fascinated by his little bro. It's adorable to watch. He has also already told his little brother that "he's lucky; he never has to have a baby." Get the important advice out first. 

Fraser has also been exceptionally helpful, taking on all the usual "mama" jobs around the house, stepping in to help with the baby whenever I need it and giving Jacob lots of attention. Without him around this past week, I would have been a bawling, irritable mess of a person and our transition would not have gone as smoothly as it has. I'm sad that he has to go back to work tomorrow and a bit apprehensive about how things will go, but my mom is coming into town tomorrow, so the timing is very good.

And again, we ended up with a boy and no boy's name, just like with Jacob. We've been pondering this all week, trying out different names. Jacob's top pick was Eyeball, but Fraser and I weren't as keen on it. Finally, after much deliberation, we've made a decision. Benjamin Adam Douglas. Hopefully, we haven't jinxed ourselves by giving him those initials. 

Even though it's a definite transition for all of us, it is amazing how the heart expands with love. Just holding the little guy is so special, hearing all those newborn sounds, smelling his new skin, looking at his teeny nails and fingers. Fraser said the other day, "I forgot how incredibly cute newborns are." Indeed... indeed.