Friends... readers.... people,
I will admit to feeling completely lame these days. On many fronts: blogging, cooking, parenting, photography... the list could go on. Usually I'm full of gusto and ambition at this time of year, the new time. I'm kind of just feeling unmotivated by life right now, though. Hence the lack of my presence here, actually. I have a hard time writing when I'm feeling blue. And I don't think anyone really wants to hear a bunch of pissing and moaning.
SO.... why am I here now? I need help, and I'm hoping that this blog will do that; make me think about things, do things, take pictures, be accountable to someone even if it a somewhat vague community. Many of you respond frequently enough that I feel connected with you, and that helps me to feel like I have a support network out there in this technological abyss.
I'm hoping that many of these feelings simply have to do with the fact that I'm 37 1/2 weeks pregnant! I am so thankful and so excited to be here. And I'm getting to that point when I just want to be done. Thinking of a whole new life in my my life, one for whom I'm entirely responsible, is a bit frightening at times. But, I will be so glad to have my body back!
Things I miss: bending, breathing easily, sleeping without discomfort, sexual feelings, regular exercise, energy, non-cankles, being able to reach my feet.
Things I am appreciating still: my nipples not being sore, time with Jacob, not waking up at all hours of the night to nurse, quiet, time to myself when Fraser has Jacob, naps, time with Fraser.
I don't have much else at this point. No grandiose (or even simple) ideas yet for how I'm going to bring about change in my life. I don't even have any good pictures for you! But I wanted you all to know that a) I'm still out here and b) that I appreciate you being out there. I try to go back to why I started this blog, Closer to Core, and I know that it was partly to challenge myself to reflect and grow. That's not always easy or fun, to write about or listen to, I suppose. But it's still my hope and plan to do so. As always, it is an interesting journey, this life.
Jill,
ReplyDeleteI have not commented often directly on your blog. But I can tell you that what you are doing with this blog is my journey in creation (theatre) and that it's also not completely surprising to feel that way at this moment. So much is about to happen, it's taking all your energy and thoughts, emotion, space, bodyspace, of course, it's hard to write or trying to look at things. I have had this feeling later with Maceo, months after his birth but I think it participates to the same idea. life is a cycle with many cycles in cycles, etc..... Women know! But we also forget. continue Closer to Core but don't feel bad from not writing, though, making yourself do it is good too even if it's hard but don't feel bad. Thinking of you! Sending good vibes for the next few weeks to come! ENJOY the everything! :)