Yes, believe me, that was the best I could do. Even to get the eyeball peeking out on the last one I had to trick him. Alas.... the boy is most likely never going to go out for theatre. Sigh.
His classmates and teacher welcomed him warmly, I stayed for a little while to get him situated, and then I left. I could tell that I was ready for this because I didn't even cry - which is saying something because I can cry these days by reading the story of Corduroy. I think mostly it felt surreal. I headed to a branch of Powell's not far from his school which was a fantastic distraction. And when I picked him up, the teacher and other parents said he did a great job!
He showed me a climbing arch on the playground that he'd climbed. I also asked him, "So, was today okay, good or great?" and he said, "Good." I will take that. He also asked why it was over already.
So... today, Fraser brought him to school while I went to the doctor and am doing other things. It feels.... whew... weird.
Sad because he's my one baby and an extension of my heart who keeps getting bigger and (slowly) more independent.
It's freeing because I'm actually sitting in my house able to do some things without hearing, "Mommy, look", "Mommy, could you come here, just for a minute. It's really quick", Mommy, can you play with me?" every 30 seconds.
Scary because what he is exposed to and how he handles things is out of my control (and we all know I like control a little too much).
Exciting because he's on a new journey, one that will help him begin to discern who he is. This, is the end, is the happiest part, because as his mom, I truly want him to grow into a fulfilled human being. That journey starts with these little steps that will keep getting bigger. As much as my heart pangs at the "loss" of my baby, it simultaneously soars with pride and joy at this first extension into the world.
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