acknowledge

After last week's deeply sad shooting, I paused, not knowing exactly what to write here. It felt wrong to just go about posting pictures of my happy holidays. To not acknowledge so much heartache and sorrow and pain, even from across the country, felt wrong.

I tried writing a blog about guns and what we, as a country, want to do with events like this. "Guns don't kill people; people kill people" is a great line and all, but the fact is that guns were made specifically for killing. We aren't in a civil war anymore, we don't have a general militia as we did in 1791 when the Second Amendment passed, we have a mental health system that can't help all the people it needs to..... There are plenty of things to talk about on this front. As I've thought about things over the weekend, I decided I didn't want a whole post about this (not now, anyway).

Then I read a beautiful quote on the blog Soulemama that focused on the healing part of the situation: 

 "Tragedy urges us to honor life by connecting even more deeply with each other- to locate our fiercest compassion, to do the soul-work required to endure unbearable grief in times of suffering. We can hold our families and communities close, share our vulnerable hearts, light the candles, sing the old songs, beat the drums, to raise the vibration of human consciousness and our potential for healing."
~ Pixie Campbell

For me, I will say that I've been too cowardly to read the entire story of what happened, to look at the faces of those who were killed, especially the children. Part of me knows that this is self-preservation, because if I start imagining myself in any of these family's shoes I will have a hard time leaving the house or falling asleep at night. But I do feel a bit cowardly, too; as if by closing my eyes to it, it will make it go away. 

So I will keep my eyes on what is important in my life, cherish Jacob the way each child should be, enjoy the trials and tribulations that come with the gift of being a parent, be aware of all the warm touches he gives me throughout the day, press my lips to his cheeks a few more times than usual (which is a lot, I assure you). I will hold that love in my heart for those who are hurting now. I will hold it in my heart for me as well.