life's lemons

Sometimes, when I haven't written for awhile, it's because there's been a lot going on or I've been in a bad mood and don't write well then or... I'm just not sure how to write about what we've been going through. In this case, it's the latter. 

As (most) of you know, we moved back to Boulder from Portland about sixteen months ago, a move that was very challenging for me because I had come to love Portland and all my supportive and fun mom friends there. But, in our hearts, we both believed that the opportunity for Fraser to work for a start-up company run by a former colleague was something we shouldn't pass up. 

For awhile, the situation at Fraser's job went well. But after awhile, things started to go downhill. Slowly at first and then, like a snowball, picking up speed and debris on its way toward imminent disaster. There are a lot of terrible words that are very appropriate for the people Fraser worked for, many of them cuss words and all of them ones that I (and Fraser) have used. Disrespectful. Rude. Unprofessional. Unreliable. Those are some of the nicer ones.   

Sadly, after all the effort Fraser (and, in ways, I) put into this guy's company, he gave nothing helpful back to Fraser at all, but instead made the working environment miserable, throwing out insults and threats among other unprofessional actions. He gave Fraser no way to succeed, in spite of Fraser's best efforts. And so, this relationship has ended, leaving us jobless. In Boulder.

There was absolutely no way we could have foreseen things going the way they have. When one has a big decision to make, it's my belief that you take all the information you actually have, try to disregard most of the what-ifs of the future and then, go with your gut. That's what we did with this last decision and so, I don't regret making it. I would have loved to stay in Oregon and not disrupt my life there and then, after being back for 15 months and finally starting to feel like I'm re-adjusting, to not be thrust into another unknown and facing the (possible) future of having to move again. Sure. However, that is not where life has taken us. 

I do believe things happen for reasons. This job was obviously not a match and not what we/he are supposed to be doing. Got it. What the next step is, though, remains unseen. There's been a lot of job searching going on. Brainstorming, daydreaming, penny-pinching and networking going on as well. 

Over the past seven months, I have had a lot of bad feelings toward these people, culminating in some detrimental ones of hatred. Hate is a very strong word, and I've never liked the feel of its control over me when it occasionally comes into my life. It's taken a few weeks of being away from the situation to let some of it go and, with more time, more of it will dissipate. Karma will take care of them. As for us, this is just a bump in the road. And bumps, after all, oftentimes turn into wonderful things.