Sunday, May 31, 2015

toward the end now

It's getting closer and closer to our departure date from Boulder and things are wrapping up.

Kindergarten just finished. Very surreal. Jacob has had such an awesome year with a fantastic teacher and a friendly, cohesive class. He told us that he was sad the year was over and that he wished he could come back to first grade with the same classmates, same teacher and same everything. 

It's bittersweet, to be sure, just like many endings. I'm so glad he's had such a great year, and my heart is sad, too, that it's over. Jacob has grown so much this year. Not just academically, but in himself. Things go into his head, he processes them his own way and they come out differently. It's an interesting shift.

We had our second, and final, yard sale. Whew, those things are a pain to prepare for! No wonder I rarely ever do them. But they were successful and we have a lot less stuff now. Still some piles around for donations but the house is emptying out. And it feels good.

As I've been going through every single box we have, I've come across all sorts of things and, although saving does run in my family, I have to say that I am not as attached to most of the things I was coming across.

 Maybe it's because our future is so open and transitory that I feel so good about letting so much stuff go. And because we have limited space. For me, I know, I also get wrapped up in the monetary value of something, not being able to let it go because it's "worth" a certain amount of money. But holding onto it just weighs on me, gets in my way, makes me relate value to money. So, my new motto is "Love it, use it or lose it". 

And I'm starting to really be present to the end of things here. I have no idea of what the future will hold. We still have our house and things here but I don't know if we'll end up coming back here to live at some point or not.

In some ways, there is a sadness about the possibility of leaving here and not coming back. We have met more wonderful people, rekindled old friendships, settled into our house again (I think two years is the time it takes to feel like a house is your home) and truly, this is a beautiful place. I have loved biking Jacob to school every day, meeting up with friends along the way, knowing so many of our great neighbours, being faced with the mountains every day. 

And in other ways, something about leaving and having a clean slate feels right too, like we came back here and tried it and found that, maybe, it's time for us to move along. 

I don't know. Lots to be present too right now, including the lovely light at the end of a day that smells more and more like summer. Sun-warmed air mingled with the coolness from the mountains in the evenings; the silhouettes of those mountains making shadows on the plains; the green smells of grass, plants and full creeks after the spring rains. 


 We'll see where we take this crazy journey called life.....

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