First, I am officially into my second trimester!! Seems, in some ways, like the first three months have flown by, especially because it is always amazing to me just how much important stuff goes on in those first three months. I suppose having gone through a major move helped speed up the time a bit. And has been a distraction. But I am now off all the hormone supplements (thank goodness!) and am feeling good. It's very exciting and not a day goes by when I'm not completely grateful for being where we are now on this journey.
Meanwhile, my firstborn is taking this transition really well, I'd say. Better than me. But kids are fairly malleable little beings. He's been loving any and all pool time, creek time... anything involving water. It was raining today (!), and he told me that we should put on our raincoats and take a rain hike to go check on the sewers to see how the water was going into them. Nice.
Tonight, he was having a hard time getting to sleep, so I went to lay with him for a bit. I don't think that actually helped him settle down much, but we both enjoyed it. He's a super cuddly little guy in general, hugging me a lot throughout the day, giving me kisses randomly (like when he's leaning against me and I'm wiping his bum), filling me up with love. So we're in bed listening to an old CD of me singing. I made another one that he's used to listening to but this one had some other songs on there.
"Is that you singing?" he asked.
"Yes," I said.
"You're a good singer," he replied.
"Thank you," I said.
I sing "Leaving on a Jet Plane" on this CD. It got to the line, "So kiss me and smile for me." He leans over and kisses me. At first, I didn't understand what he was doing, other than just kissing me. Then he says, "I'll wait for you." I realize halfway through the next verse that after the line above, the song says, "Tell me that you'll wait for me." Such special moments children give us.
The other day I was thinking about life down the road, in about six months, and how our lives will all change. And even though I'm very excited about it and trust that my heart will expand and fill with even more love than it has now, it is still a little sad to think that Jacob and I won't have the same kind of alone time after the baby is born. Of course we will still have time together and all that. But our family will shift and change. And there is a touch of sadness to me in that. When we found out I was pregnant with Jacob, I thought, 'I only have nine more months of being just with Fraser, alone'. That made me a little sad in the same way this does.
I am trying to remember that in our day to day lives and to appreciate this time that Jacob and I still have together before things are different. They will be good, but they will also be different.