Closer to Core: seeing the ordinary

Week two. This one was actually harder than the first one, I think. No holiday to break up the week, upper 90-degree weather and just trying to discover what is going on around here.

When we lived here before and Jacob was little, I remember having a hard time connecting with a community of at-home moms. I remember struggling with feeling alone. Even after being a nanny in this town, I had a hard time finding things to do. Then came Portland. Not to harp on a subject you all have heard me going on about for awhile now, but... the place is chock full of things to do with kids. It is an at-home mom's heaven with an (occasionally) overwhelming amount of things to do: breweries that have storytimes and play areas, coffee shops that host kid activities, indoor play areas, outdoor water areas, arts and crafts times at libraries, puppet shows, regular musicians who do sing-a-longs for kids.... the list goes on.

I know, I know.... Portland is much bigger than Boulder. But it is so extremely family-oriented that I am now feeling like this place is a desert in more than just its climate. I also know that this is only my second week here. I feel new. I feel unconnected. I feel... a little depressed some days. It's hard to feel that way and to say it aloud, but it's true. Nothing serious or needing meds, I'm just talking run-of-the-mill, I just moved here and have lots of hormones raging through me and don't feel like I belong or have a home at this point and it's so hot I think I'm going to faint every time I go outside and I feel alone in taking care of my child all day and.... well, that kind of depression.

So.... I need a plan. I need something to help pull me through those days. When we went to Oregon I started a blog which helped a lot. It pushed me to get out and discover a new place, to see what I could share with others and, in turn, to see what I could myself. Sometimes, it is the ordinary daily things that need to pull us through a difficult stretch because those are the things around us all the time. True, those things can be taken for granted and can feel boring at times. And yet, if I slow down, stop giving myself grief for what I'm not doing or not involved in yet, I can see that there are fun, good things in my day to day. And that helps, a little bit at a time.

As I shared last time, my real camera needs some professional help (gulp). I don't have an iphone or a galaxy whatever, I'm not on Instagram (yet), I don't check my facebook or email when I'm stopped at a red light.... in many ways, I'm a technology curmudgeon who likes being inaccessible some times, doesn't always have my phone with me, doesn't understand tweeting and hash tags, and actually... likes it that way. I like being with myself and my own thoughts and not constantly "in the world" with social media.

All that (slight soapboxing) said, I'm going to be relying on my phone for pictures for a while (hopefully short). I'm going to use it as a challenge, to see the ordinary around me in new ways. And to (fingers crossed) still get some good pictures. You are on this journey with me, one step at a time, and we shall see what comes of it. But it's a plan of some sort, and that's what I need right now.