Tuesday, October 23, 2012

the other side of parenting

I try to keep this blog positive. Nobody really wants to hear someone ranting and raving or being disgruntled. Being a parent comes with everything: the good, the bad and the ugly. It's just much nicer to hear about someone's "good" than someone's "ugly". 

I admit, though, that sometimes there are time gaps in this blog because we have a bit of the "bad" or "ugly" and if I started to write, that's probably all I could come out with. In the moment is probably not the best time to write about it publicly. However, after a bit of time has passed, and I've recovered as much as Jacob has, I can share. 

We have so many more days like this:

And do lots of things like this:

But there are also the days that go something like this:

Yes, my heart didn't feel so good, either. There come some times, though, as every parent knows, when you get into a battle of wills with your child. And sometimes, as not fun as it is, the parent has to hold her ground. I could just hear my mother laughing at this situation because I remember times when I was in the same position as Jacob as a little girl. And my heart also went out to my mother because, although I handled the situation in a way that I agreed with, it didn't make it (much) easier to hear the screaming or hollering or bargaining. 

I knew how to make it stop, for this moment. But it was future moments that I was also enforcing. I am not a fan of the parenting style that says "I'm the grown up and you should always listen to me, no questions asked". That's not my philosophy. And yet, I do expect to be listened to MOST of the time or when I tell you several times that I'm not going to do it differently. The fit lasted an hour and forty-five minutes. The kid has stamina. What he doesn't realize yet is that I'm one of the people who gave him that stubbornness.

In the end, he cried himself into a nap, woke up much improved, we talked about it and had a good rest of the day. Thank goodness. What I was reminded of with this fit was that being a parent holds so many pieces: joy, sorrow, anticipation, worry. And discomfort. Sometimes the right decisions feel good. And sometimes they don't. Good and right are two different things. It's a very good thing that love persists through all of it. 


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