Friday, December 30, 2011

I'm a saver. Everyone who knows me knows this. It used to be things like chalk pieces, trinkets, buttons, anything that felt good to just touch or squeeze. Over the years, I've culled the strangest things but have kept the more sentimental. I've always been a letter saver too. Letters, papers, my ramblings and writings. I like to look back on them occasionally, see the way I've grown, remember the experiences I've had.

Recently we've been having some grey dreary days with lots of rain. Taking that with a three year old who's been very demanding and a lack of patience on my part and you get an unpleasant situation. When I have times like this I have to go back to my roots, my self. Dig deeper into my past when life was less busy and more clear, when I wrote with a passion I always felt within. These are the things I am so glad I've kept, because they lift me up so much in my harder moments. 

Sometimes, I need to remember what it felt like to be 18 or 25 or 6. I just need to remember how much I've always loved living life, truly living it and feeling alive and present for it. How much I love challenges and growth, even though they oftentimes involve discomfort as well as joy. How lovely it is to smell spring in the air when the ground is wet and things are just starting to grow.. Feeling the tickly grass between my toes in the summer and not thinking about dirt or bugs or discomfort. Remembering growing up with nature as a place of rest, nourishment and balance. And just knowing inside myself that I was me and that was a place I could trust. 

As another year ends, maybe it's a good time to be looking inwards again, recentering, taking account and deciding what I want in my life and what I want out. It is a conclusion and a beginning, a letting go and a hoping for, a constantly renewing circle. A time to be present.

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