Closer to Core: five years...

In some ways, it's hard to believe that I've (only) been a parent for five years. Because when you do it day in and day out, it definitely starts to feel like something you've always been doing. Except for those rare moments when you escape on your own and feel a mixture of pure bliss to be alone and constant wondering at what and how your child is doing without you. Ahh... parenting.

There is one thing that is unforgettable, though, and that is the day this being came into our world. That first-time haze of infanthood surrounds some of my memories, to be sure. But there are some things that are so clear: his super tiny body against mine, his little lips open in an "o" that I loved to kiss, swaddling him as tightly as I could so he would (maybe...) stay asleep longer, being up at odd hours at night thinking I was going to lose my mind.

Daddy and Jacob - five years ago

Memory is such an interesting thing. I remember times when he'd fall asleep in my arms, and I would just hold him. I knew there were other things I could be doing, but I also knew that these moments were more important and fleeting. So I would just hold him. I kiss him so many times a day I wonder how he still has skin on his cheeks. I smell him, touch him, hold him, listen to his voice and his words and his thoughts. And yet, memories fade. Do I really remember what he sounded like at 2 when he was working on his first sentences? Do I remember that baby smell he had?

It's so important to live in the moment because that's really all you have. I am glad to have the memories that I do because I was present then. So now, even if just for awhile, I can relive some of them. Being a parent is like nothing else in the world. And I love it.