our test result

I know many of you have been waiting anxiously for me to return here and post something! Without further delay then, my test result was positive! All the sticking energy, prayers, medications and magical life energy worked! And I am so impressed with how amazingly respectful everyone has been about holding his/her tongue and waiting for me to tell you. I know it has been hard, but it means a huge amount to me to be able to process this whole thing with myself and my family first and then to share it.

In many ways, it still feels very surreal. Not only because the first parts of pregnancy can feel like that anyway, but also because of our long journey. I'm almost afraid to say the "p" word for fear of jinxing myself. It seems incredibly odd to say after all this time. 

It's also very relieving. On the day of the test, I was a bit of a basketcase by the end of the day, waiting for Fraser to get home and decide when to listen to the message. I made him listen to it first, covering my ears so I couldn't hear anything of the message. After listening to the whole thing, he pressed repeat and had me listen to it. As soon as the nurse said the word "positive", I burst into tears. Tears of relief and joy and exhaustion. 

Of course, the journey is not over yet, although it feels very different at this point. I'm still taking daily shots for hormones, tabs to insert three times a day (pleasant), more blood tests to make sure hormone levels are rising like they are supposed to. It's very early in the whole making-another-human process and not that I'm a paranoid person in general, but after going through so much, of course there's a natural worry about the next nine months going well. 

But...  This. Is. Fantastic. I don't feel I'm being very poetic or especially profound in the writing of this; my brain is on a bit of an emotional takeover right now. Thank you ALL for your support through all this. Blogging publicly about this is not something every woman going through it would choose to do. For me, though, it has been so helpful to process it this way and to feel such great love from so many people. I hope I have given you something in return, but regardless, I am grateful for you.  

female and male pine cones