With my last post renouncing monthly goals (at least for a bit), what to write about? How about dreams. Not the sleeping kind, although those have a place too. But the real-life kind, the ones you think about, yearn for, call into your life, make happen. Those dreams...
This blog, Closer to Core, started as a way for me to get more in tune with those dreams, with me. And I would say that it has been working. I have learned about many things since the beginning of this year: daily meditation, writing, sewing, cleaning out my garage, photography, cooking from scratch. These have all been little experiments for myself. Testing each one to see what feels good, what feels right to be doing with my time. Jacob still needs me but not in the same ways he did as a baby, and I have felt that I want more for myself.
So I have tried and tested a few things and yet, I have felt lacking. Not lacking in what I need. I have all that and more. But lacking in the dream department. Do you remember being a child and feeling that anything was possible? Spending an afternoon looking up into
the blue blue sky beyond the bright green maple leaves and just feeling your existence.... and being amazed? Dreaming of what you did want to do when you grew up? Feeling awed that you, yourself, the one taking this breath and looking out of these eyes, was alive. And was conscious of that?
I do. Not every day or every minute, but when I am alone, quiet, and content with myself, I remember. The places inside of me that truly felt those things remember too. Those are the places that are missing dreams these days.
:: Dreams of planting a garden in the fall and seeing things come up year after year, planting vegetables in the spring and knowing that I'll be around to harvest them because they are being grown at my home.
:: Dreams of living in a place with community that supports my family's beliefs and values and yet challenges us to grow more fully as well, question our decisions and seek the best life we can.
:: Dreams of having enough fabric that I love to make a quilt on a whim.
:: Dreams of cooking with my husband again instead of (usually) for.
:: Dreams of friends surrounding us, laughing with us, sharing joys and sorrows, holding our trust in their hands as we do in theirs and developing those bonds that are the most important of all in this life, those bonds between people.
:: Dreams of writing - for pleasure, for publication, for nothing, for money, for the need to get something out of myself. Dreams of being able to share this passion with others and be supported by that.
:: Dreams of making things: cards, quilts, bags, pictures, photographs, whatever I feel inspired to make.
:: Dreams of living as an example for my child.
Yes, this is an interesting time for me. So much possibility around me and yet... I am not quite connected to all that I know is there. But I can feel it. I can feel it there and know that we will meet. Our dreams are not just imaginings. They are foundations upon which me can build our lives... and anything we want.