I have a book of daily Buddhist teachings/sayings. Sometimes the thought goes in and out of me. But other times, it really strikes a chord. Part of today's teaching has been replaying itself in my mind all morning.
"Everything is based on our own uptightness... it is we who are not willing to let go."
That has stuck with me this morning as I got Jacob ready for the day, ready to do my plan for the day. I've thought about it as I had to stop numerous times and answer his questions when we were doing the grocery shopping. And I've thought about it when I laid down for a short, ten-minute power nap and my mind tried to tell me that I had enough to do without stopping for a rest.
Yes, there are always numerous things to be done, but not always that have to be done or that have to be done at one precise moment. It's our perception of things having to be done at once (and our society's ever-faster pace) not the reality of the situation (most times).
So, when I was a few minutes late to yoga class this morning, I took a breath, remembering that I was going to bring more peace and balance into my life anyway. At the store, I answered more questions than I would have liked (less than he would have liked, but that was a compromise). And I laid down and took a short rest, giving myself that time to stop and take a pause from the things that are always there to be done. The thing is, they'll still be there.
I also had the chance when I was in MI to see myself from the outside, in a way. I was watching my mother pick up the kitchen one evening. She was very frustrated at others not doing "enough" and about things being a mess for the next day. The exact same things I get all worked up about in my own home and talk to Fraser about ad nauseam. But at the moment, I was not emotionally connected to the mess like my mom was, and I could see from that outside perspective how so much of her angst was of her own making. I saw a) where I get my tendencies - ahem - and b) how I come across to Fraser.
I don't find it easy, as a grownup, to see myself from the outside often. Or at least, there are times when I can see and others when I can't. It's a good reminder then to be told, in a word, to relax. Let some of it go. It's really not helpful to hold on to most of it. The stress, the "to do nows", the "shoulds" and "it has to be this ways".... let them go. Use your energy where it matters, in the things you really want in your life. You, and those around you, will be happier for it.