Recently, I have been plagued by an over-active mind in relation to purpose. Closer to core..... a journey inward. Some days I feel very centered, not questioning my path and whether or not I'm on it. Other days, I feel like a wanderer, a lost traveler. There is so much in this world to be a part of, to experience and feel. Which parts do I take as my own; which do I choose to let go? Do I remain connected to the inner parts of me: the passion, the exuberance of living, the idealism from my younger days. Of course we change over time, but I would hope there are parts that remain. Core parts that aren't beaten down by the outer world or faded by the regularness of every day life. Every day life should be joyful. Otherwise, what are we doing here?
On my parenting journey, I came upon a question recently: what values and examples do you want to give your children? I've been pondering it. What I would love to show Jacob is someone who is living her dream, living her life the way she wants to. It's so easy to tell people, youth especially, to reach for their dreams, be what they want, listen to their hearts. But how many of us are doing that now, as adults. It gets harder to really listen to the heart and follow it. There are so many other pressures, duties, norms that the heart gets rather lost in the shuffle. I don't want to just tell Jacob those things or live vicariously through him. I want to be living my dream myself and showing him that it is possible.
Am I there, yet? No. Do I know exactly how to get there? No. But I am so fortunate to still want to listen to my heart, to still be able to hear it, and to have a partner who might think I'm crazy sometimes, but who is willing to trust me.
Can you still hear your heart? What is it saying?