But I've been pondering it.
Granted, I don't have the built-in help that can come with living near family (and I would definitely be using that if we did and being grateful for it, too). And it is a hard, constant job. And I am working to rebuild community so that I have more help and companionship.
But really... what it comes down to is that having a child is like nothing else in the world. And, for me, it gives me such an amazing feeling of my heart expanding and filling with love. Holding Benjamin, listening to my kids laughing, hearing Jacob say he loves me, seeing Benjamin light up when he sees me.... these are some of the rewards that come with being a parent.
Not to mention the awesomeness of getting to know someone from the very beginning of his (or her) life and watching them see things for the first time and make observations about the world from a fresh perspective and just being there as they come into themselves..... it's... addicting. Truly incredible and fun and cool and interesting and inspiring and.... it gives me perspective and helps me to look at this world and this journey and my own self differently.
Even though it's hard, I have the chance to learn something every day and to be loved unconditionally (yet). That is a gift. A wonderful, awesome gift. That is why I have them.